There are so many things I wanted to say before you passed I wanted to you know how much i love you and how grateful i am that you looked after me for 19 years basically treated me as your own! I had so many questions to ask you, i wasn’t ready for you to leave. I always imagined you watching me walk up the aisle, I always imagined you sitting next to me on my wedding day telling me how proud you were of me, giving me ‘the talk’ I never thought i would be doing these things without you, i always took you for granted, maybe that was my problem as i always came to you for advice and for a big hug and to be told that things are going to be okay. Im so determined to make you proud! I wish i could hear for voice for one more time, just for you tell me off, or to tell me to get out of your kitchen! I wish i had listened to you a lot more when you were here, all the times that you tried to tell me how to do things and i was yeah whatever well now i really stabbed myself in the foot as i have to cook now, so im sure you are laughing at all the things that i have ruined by burning or things not turning out how they should! I miss not coming into your room at night and sitting at the bottom of the bed and having a good old chat about everything going on. I have no one in the morning to ask does this look okay, miss you saying ‘Sara please put your clothes away’ or ‘Sara please tidy your room’
Since you have been gone i feel so lost without you, i don’t know who i am anymore when you passed you took a part of me with you. Im so lost not having you here telling me what to do and what not to do. I didn’t just lose a Nan, i also lost my mum and my best friend when you left. Im trying to remember all the good memories we have had together, All the time we went to Bentley wildfowl together doing Easter egg hunts, all the times you walked me to primary school with my friends with your red coat and rosy cheeks! I will never ever forget the time when me and Kay-Dee were singing chicken,chicken and you said I love that song when we were just randomly singing chicken! you made such a big impact on our lives. When ever i needed advice i always came to you. I miss always coming home to warm house, the house is so empty without you. Miss you always watching CSI, house programmes and that on the telly no one else got a look in. Your had a certain smell too, and now that has disappeared too! You obviously wanted all your plants with you, as since you have been gone all your plants have died too! I still cant find your glasses since you passed either so i have no idea where you have hidden them! I have kept your mika and westlife Cd so that i can listen to them when im missing you so that they can remind me of you. Me and Granddad have kept your Eddie stobart DVD’s too that you never got a chance to watch! I never expected you to leave me on the 5th of january i thought i had years left with you. Im so glad now that i gave you that glass of milk that you asked me for on that morning! I just miss you more than words can say. I never expected to have to live my life without you. You have always been the one to pick up the pieces in my life and now there is no one that can do that like you used to. No one could ever replace you, as i have never ever met some one quite like you. I miss you not standing at the window with your arms crossed watching the world go by and being nosy
I have had a few people tell me that they miss seeing you wait for the bus stop at the corner with your red coat and rosy cheeks! Everyone noticed you. I got told a couple of weeks ago that i looked a spitting image of you, and whilst im still around you will never truly be gone, this made me cry but also made me so happy, to know that i always have a part of you with me, Nancy couldn’t believe it when i told her you were gone, she just stood there in shock! Ricky admitted that he didn’t think that he would miss you as much as he does, I cant do his cheese on toast like you used to
Will write to you soon Nana.